Dissonance

Being honest with other people about what is going on in your life is unvarnished honesty with your self. Tuning in to various seasons of "Real" Housewives on Bravo, I have learned a lot about how to not live my life. Seeing examples of dramatic situations prompts the question, "how would I have handled that situation?" Mostly, I find that the housewives pull the blissful ignorance card by not acknowledging their wrong-doings and shortcomings, taking no cognitive responsibility for their actions.

It takes a strong person to admit when they are wrong. It is difficult to reveal personal parts of yourself to others, for example, admitting to a friend/family member that their marriage is suffering, that they have money trouble, that they are gay, have an eating disorder, or a drinking problem. It takes courage, but the honesty ante can only be upped by being honest about your personal situation with others. Putting a sugar coat over the negatives puts your problems out of personal perspective.

The kicker to all of this comes in defining and recognizing the role of psychological cognitive dissonance. Everyone does it: you are in a predicament and tell yourself to change your attitude: "it's not so bad anyway." Eventually, when someone asks you about something you hate but are forced to do (ie. work), you tell them something positive about a negative. You "look on the bright side." To an extent, it is beneficial to look on the bright side of a negative phenomenon in your life. But more importantly, make sure you aren't exercising dissonance in an area of your life where you are failing to acknowledge your unhappiness. I was at a job for a long time and I hated it, but made good money. When people would ask, I would say, "I like the people and I make good money," when in reality I made good money, but I hated it, got bad hours, and didn't like the management very much. Finally, upon consciously realizing I was lying to myself, I was so much happier--I wasn't exercising cognitive dissonance and pretending to myself or anyone else anymore and I moved on. This conscious recognition goes for so many minor, daily situations. Cognitive dissonance can be functional--it does help get through certain things where ignorance is practical for peace-of-mind. Otherwise, I believe it can be destructive to your psyche if introspection is not exercised. I think it is important to self-introspect and find where dissonance is present in your life and that, if you are exercising cognitive dissonance, ask yourself why you don't change the situation and consciously accept how you feel about something. Resonate that honest realization with yourself, others, and become a happier more positively functioning individual.

"Dissonance is as fatal in ailments of the mind as it is in those of the body."
— Georges Rodenbach (Bruges-La-Morte)