Personalized

So many things have influence on our daily lives. We have decisions to make, and whether we like to believe it or not, the people around us have the greatest influence on those decisions. I suppose the basis of this blog is to inspire personalized decision-making. Something I strive to do is always make sure that when I look back, I don't have to persuade myself that 'everyone is doing it,' and ultimately rationalize my past actions  to myself. Go ahead and drink if that's what you want to do...But make sure that it's not because you want to fit in or because everyone else is engaging. Go ahead and have sex, but make sure you are ready. Make sure the situation fits up to your standards. If you always knew you would only be comfortable if it was in a committed relationship, don't let some groomer talk you in to it. If you want to smoke, go ahead. But make sure your reasoning is backed up. Make sure you are okay with hurting those around you and giving up a part of your health and possible susceptibility to other bad decisions. It is a SLIPPERY Slope. Once you engage in certain behaviors, know that it is easier to fall into other things. By continually rationalizing your actions [that you don't approve of  yourself doing in the first place] you are giving yourself an excuse to continue on a path you never thought you'd end up on. It is easy to trick yourself into believing that what you are doing is 'ok' even when you don't feel right about it. Always follow your heart & Intuition.

It's a proven fact that peers have the greatest influence on you. Choose who you hang with wisely. Friends have a way of becoming a lot alike. The way they dress, the way they look, the way they talk, the people they party with, the places they go, the way they treat people, the things that they do...I am not saying that friends have 100% influence and that you won't be able to help yourself in a situation. With age comes wisdom, and it becomes easier to do things your own way regardless of how your friends proceed. People always tell me that my roommates and I look alot alike. Although we have some major differences, I've noticed that we have a lot of likenesses. Without even realizing it, the girls I live with have influenced me: even by just observing how they go about their lives. Seeing what they think is okay, how they act, and how they perceive situations and people has impacted my thoughts.

There will always be decisions. There will always be peer pressure. There will always be people you trust. There will always be temptations. The hardest part is making sure that when you decide to do something, that you are doing it because you want to do it, because you are ready for it. If you are willing to accept consequences of your actions, if you can look at yourself and be happy with yourself, that's what's most important. 

Don't be afraid to stand alone. I can promise you, you will feel liberated in doing what you believe in.

It is okay to defy the odds. There are plenty of people out there who do it all the time.

It is important to always stay Conscious of the decisions you make. It you are not constantly questioning, you should be.

We've all fallen from our standards for ourselves at times, but what truly matters is where you go when you pick yourself up.

Never Forget to Remember

Life is confusing. It doesn't ever get easier, because once you figure out what you were unsure of, something else comes along that you don't quite have a grasp on. Sometimes I like to think I know everything there is to know, but the truth is that there is always more to know and be taught about life. One thing I love about life is that no matter what step of it I am in, I never cease to be surprised. I love surprises and something new and exciting always seems to present itself.

Maybe it's just me, but I believe that there is a lot of pattern in life. Few examples: It seems like deaths group together, good things run together/bad things as well, and when I used to cashier I would get certain types of people in a day, and other types in a different day. It was eerie how it worked, sometimes I would get 3 people in one day who would all have the same question, and I would never hear the question again for as long as I cashiered there. Everything groups together.

Tonight, my neighbor was reading to us some of his personal poems he had written,  I was simultaneously talking to a friend who was telling me about the stories he writes as an english major, and I got in to a separate discussion about diaries which sparked a conversation about the past with an old friend. Like I said, patterns. And it made me wonder where my old poem book, quote book, journals, and the latest aphorism book went. I went searching and found my journal from when I spent time living in a campo in the Dominican Republic. Reading what I wrote then, I realized a few things.

-Documenting important pieces of your life is invaluable. Especially if it is something you can share with someone else by living it out. By having this written down you can take the most important thing the mind can formulate [memories] and remember where you were at then. Memories are all we have of our pasts and by reading all the wonderful things I had to write about, I realized how much I had forgotten since then. By rereading it, it brought it back and made me recall what I took from the experience. What made me want to learn spanish, what made me think hard about poverty and how God could allow people to be born into such hopeless situations. It made me differentiate between using the word Blessed ...Am I blessed for having more? Such statements need to be thought out, lest we make such statements and unbeknownst to ourselves, invest in ignorance.

It makes me believe that everyone has their story. If you sat down with someone and truly talked about what was on both your minds...there would be a hell of a lot to say. If you think about how you go about life and how you are able to react and function in certain areas, it is because you have already thought about it prior to experiencing it. Maybe this is 'shock therapy' for life, but seriously, think about it...we all have a good chunk of time every day where we are by ourselves, and what do you do? YOU THINK. Maybe it makes me a nerd, but it's fascinating to think about what infatuates peoples' minds. Do certain people worry about school and think about class throughout their day? Do they think about what they need to get done/haven't done? Do they turn recent-past experiences through their minds in order to evaluate them? Do they think about certain people? Maybe it is a little bit of all of these, but there is a lot going on with memories and thoughts and past-present-future. I still think about people from my early childhood who had an affect on me growing up. Sometimes, Something will happen throughout the day that will remind me of a different time I had already experienced. To this day I dream in my old house because that is where I grew up and had so many memories, and sometimes people I haven't seen in years make appearances in my dreams/memories. I don't know why we think about certain things, but maybe it takes a certain consciousness of looking at what you think about when you are alone and just daydreaming/pondering. I think this could tell us a lot about ourselves--by what constantly invades our thoughts.

This blog is a cluster of messy thoughts, but the synopsis is something like this:

Never forget to remember. Always remember what was important to you then, because chances are, it made you who you are now. 

Kindness

"Kindness is more important than wisdom, and the recognition of this is the beginning of wisdom."  - Theodore Isaac Rubin

"Too often we underestimate the power of a touch, a smile, a kind word, a listening ear, an honest compliment, or the smallest act of caring, all of which have the potential to turn a life around."   - Leo Buscaglia

The three most important things to remember in any situation: to be kind, be kind, and always to be kind. "Treat others how you want to be treated." The simple kindergarten lesson of respect. I have found throughout the years that these simple grade school-level lessons are some of the most wise in following. What I've noticed in a wide variety of instances is that there are some people out there who 'get it.' They are always pleasant from the get-go, always ready to stop and talk--even if class starts in 5 minutes, they truly want to know about you and how you are doing, and ultimately, they always make you feel good after you run in to them. These are KIND people. 

I have a mental list in my head of people in my life who 'lift me up' so to say...and whenever I am with them, I feel good. We mutually lift one-another up, and bring out the positive qualities in one another. There are always going to be people who bring you down in your life. Bad influences, negative, jealous, judgmental, vain, aggressive persons. Or, in other words, people that you can't connect with on what's really important out of life. But as my fav. quote goes: these people are "vexations to the spirit."

If you sat down and thought of all the people who are close to you in your life, and tried counting the people who make you feel like you are a good person. People who make you want to be a better person. People who lift you up. And separated them from the people who give you meaningless banter. People who are constantly bringing you down with negativity. People who have nothing better to talk to you about than other people. You might actually find something out about yourself.

Surround yourself with people who make you shine, people who talk to you about things that you find legitimately important, people who can connect with you on a mental level, and who give you positive reinforcement [and constructive criticism] about the person that you are. These are people who will lift you up, and in doing so, it will become mutual. And maybe, take a step back and look at yourself and ask how you treat the people you first meet, the people you know the names of--but not personally, the people who are closest to you and know you best. Be Kind.

Self-Betterment

[Regarding my Domestic Violence Victim:]

You can't help everyone. At some point people have to help themselves. You can't expect to go in to someone's life and fix them. There has to be a want/an effort present. Sometimes, all you can do is enter a person's life or situation and do all you can, then leave them to figure it out. Obviously it is different for everyone, but it's always up to the person to take responsibility for themselves. To make effective decisions in pursuit of self-betterment is to build character. It is the only way to put closure to one area of your life and to move on from a situation to self-improvement. Only when you square up & take self-responsibility can you consider benefiting yourself.

NOTE: This also goes both ways. Always be open to constructive criticism. Of course, do not surrender yourself to the other person's criticisms, but listen. Especially if it is a friend, or someone you trust is truly vying in your best interest. I  invest belief in the idea that others' perspectives are quite accurate. Others' opinions or views only mirror our own to a point. It is important to take advice and to be fearless of being proved wrong. After all, you cannot always be right on your own.

People Pleasers

I've noticed that people can't seem to be outward with how they feel/what they want to do. Kind of a broad example, but sometimes at my job I have to call people and 96% of the time I ask them whether they either have/still need our unit's number, they reply yes--like they don't have the balls to say no and 'disappoint me.' and another 67% of the time I have to give it to them as they pretend to take it down so as not to have to face me with a negative. It's like when you are walking through the mall and the vendors in the middle walk up to you  and get you to try their product and  you get all awkward because you aren't going to buy anything, but you can't seem to tell them that, so eventually you are in too deep and it only gets worse as time goes on and is mutually wasted. It's the same way in relationships too...one person decides they need out, but they can't seem to disappoint, so their happiness is put on the back-burner, and as time elapses it makes for a worse situation. People-Pleasers,Why can't you just say no? There are nice ways to turn people down. In being nice in the moment you create more problems for yourself later. It says a lot about a person who can stick up to other people and be outright with how they feel. It takes a lot of courage in a lot of cases, especially when it's with someone you care about. But realize that honesty is always the best policy.

Relationship Status: ______

It's something I haven't ever fully understood. And that is why most people feel the need to be in a relationship. It's like people live their life for that specific goal. That may seem like overkill, but think about it. It's constantly on-mind. Could it/Would it/Should it work out? Every single person you meet of your sexual orientation is automatically thrown in to a category: Friends Ladder/Possibly more than friends Ladder. Those that fall in the possibilities ladder are people you may simply be attracted to, date, or consider "Significant Other Material." And it's a constant weighing process -- The pros/cons of your wants in regards to the person's looks, personality, behavior etc. But what is it that makes you want that one person to stand out from all the rest that you can call "yours" and have them [presumably] stay true to only you? What is that inherent want, and where does it come from? Because in my mind, it consumes our culture & society.

It's fair to say that that is how we were brought up. Everyone around us makes the statement that it is only acceptable to be with one other person at a time. It's slowly becoming but still is not even fully accepted to be homosexual. It is accepted but does not have the stamp of approval from society to sleep around with multiple people without needing the label of 'relationship.' Yes, people do that, but the only thing that is accepted widely by society is [heterosexual] monogamy. I'm not saying society should change, in fact I like the way it is (minus intolerance for homosexuality).

On a happier note, I completely understand and share the want to be [happy]. To feel butterflies or physically nervous around someone, even to find yourself being uncharacteristically self-conscious about your appearance. But is happiness defined that way for the right reasons? Do you need this person to be happy? Are these feelings what make you happy? It's something I've always asked myself, and my conclusion has always been no. Why invest in an idea that is so uncertain? It has nothing to do with fear of commitment, just questioning what I am told by society. I think it's important to never accept something the way it is, but first examine it. There are plenty of rebuttals to how I look at this, I know that. But I guess I just don't buy the idea of relying on another person for what I can gain by being by myself.

 It's important to love yourself. If you were disembodied from yourself and had the chance to be friends with yourself, would you be? I like to think I would be my great friend. I've spent years single and learning about myself; learning to love me. It's a relationship I feel is on-going and important to establish and self-examine. 

There are so many pros and cons to both, being in a relationship V. being single.. and of course, the added gray areas. Whatever you think of these 'statuses,' know that there is life in each. I simply cannot understand someone being unhappy with their life because they do not have someone else to make them feel okay about it. It's important to be comfortable spending quality time by yourself and enjoying doing so. 

I think I have caused a great deal of frustration and confusion to people in the past and present, but hopefully people can understand that I am not painfully or overly- independent,  just happy to be where I am with me. I've even been told that by 'dodging' 'love' I am not going to 'find' happiness. Well, what the hell? That goes against everything I believe, actually. But to be honest, I see where people get that idea, because it is a fantastical feeling when you feel unknown things for another person. But even so, who says you should devote yourself to them? Well society has told you to. Your biological interests told you to. Your parents and other role models told you to. Your peers told you to. Other unknowns told you to. But there is nothing wrong with not labeling something. Maybe it's because I have seen so many flaws within the idea of 'relationships' or maybe because I see so many people change from the person that they truly are. It is so important to remember that first and foremost comes yourself; and to you, you must stay true. Now, that sounds selfish, but it's not. When it is time to break up (which unless you are on the verge of marriage, it'll happen) it is most important that you do what is right for you, and the other person is left to do what is right for them. What I am getting at is you can have another person and be happier than you've ever been, they lift you up, they make you want to be better, they make your day etc. but at the end of the day, you have to do it for you. You will always end up alone at times, and at those times you are stuck to rely on yourself. Are you reliable? Not on others, but on yourself? I've taken a long time to think about these things, and found out that I could rely on myself. This is the single-most reason why I am how I am. I believe that in order to be happy that it must come from within the self. If you can be truly happy by yourself, you can share that with others. And not just one other, but many others. That brings me to my next point. Friends.

Where in God's green earth would I even be without my friends? Probably in limbo, nothingness. I sure as hell wouldn't be happy. You hear it all the time, but you still see so many make the same mistake...and that is that they get involved with someone and forget about their friends. It's happened to me, it's happened to you, it's happened to almost everyone. There is always that friend who gets swept up in the present. Friendship is a powerful force. When you are alone it is there. When you meet someone special, they are there with the best input and most importantly a second-sight, that sees what you cannot. They are there throughout. And most importantly, after it is over with, and you need support, they are there. But where is the significant other? They are not there anymore. You must both move on and grow from the experience. Point to be made here: being in a relationship and maintaining the  friendships you held before=of utmost importance. It is easy to turn a blind eye, especially when you are inside looking out as opposed to outside looking in. Being on the outside looking in for the past 3 1/2 years has taught me things that I would never take back. It has allowed my personality to be the way I want it to be, and I've had the opportunity of meeting so many new people and making many close friendships. My friends have always been my saving grace and brought out in me what I consider positive traits. I havent wanted a significant other, because I never felt like I needed one. My friends have always fulfilled the wants I have. I had too much fun going out and spending time with my friends and it almost seemed like I would be compromising something, weighing myself down if you will. Also weighing myself down in the pleasure I take in meeting new people and enjoying different company in social settings. When you see a couple out together, unless they both have the same exact friends, they must compromise by hanging out with both party's friends. In those situations, you may be the person they feel most comfortable with. Given, you may enjoy that and like that feeling or of just being with them all night. But, I don't enjoy that sort of thing in social settings. In fact, that would make me more unhappy than anything else. Everyone is different.

Writing this has confused me probably even more, because in my mind both sides to the argument are very clear-cut and well-put. But it has also put in writing how I feel, and for this cluster of thoughts I am glad. I hope for people who read this you can better understand where I am coming from.  I want what every single person wants, to have fun and be happy. And I can say in all truthfulness that for now I am...just the way I am.

Listen Up

I truly believe that one of the best qualities a person can possess is being a good listener. Everybody wants someone to listen to what they have to say, and everyone wants someone to affirm that what they are saying is of value and have people relate to it...lately this has hit home. 

Everybody wants a little bit of what they don't have. Most introverts say they wish they were more outgoing or outward with their feelings & expressions. On the other hand, being an extrovert I see the value in being reserved. I am not reserved, I do not spend my time at a party in one spot talking to the same people, and in no way am I a wall flower. But people who possess this personality should see the positive in it, and why I envy them. Spending time with a choice amount of people builds relationships, being shy makes others wonder what you're all about, actions speak louder than words.

Listening and unbiased observation teaches you more about yourself than anything in the world. When you are within a situation it is hard to disembody yourself from that situation and see it effectively. Being an observer displaces you from the immediate situation and allows more direct insight. This explains why you are able to tell your friend point-blank what the problem within her relationship is when she asks what is going wrong. But, being directly involved in the relationship, she can't see it. Why is it so hard to just do what you know is right? Deep down in your conscious mind, you know what you need to do in a situation, but when you are directly involved, different factors play in to cloud the thinking process.

I suppose where I am going with this is that approaching situations unbiasedly, gathering information before making a judgment, and most of all observing & listening to the people around you are all positive attributes that I value and strive to be better in. 

Blogging

I've Always wanted to start a blog. I have so many daily rants that run through my head that are never able to get worked out. Mostly this blog will be dedicated to the random pondering that is my thoughts. If you take the time to read this, that's great, maybe you should create a blog too...or respond to my posts with your own input. I'm excited.

XOxo, Katie