How do we pick our friends? Psychology would suggest that we pick friends based off of common interests and people who resemble ourselves in looks and personality. Things get boring with people quickly without a common interest thread. Sports, movies, comedy, major, politics, social life, etc. are all things that make people connect or lack a connection. When you look at your friendships and boil them down to what matters, it is those moments when you show yourself to one another in the most honest light that matter. One psychologist studying human behavior concluded that no one can truly be themselves around another person. To a point, I believe this, because no matter how much a person tells you, you never truly know what's going on inside their head. However, I think it is safe to say your best friends in the world are the ones who you can look back and say to yourself, "they've seen parts of me that no one else has." All the way down to your weird "special talents and impersonations." It also speaks volumes when you can tell a person absolutely anything and not run the risk of them repeating it, judging you, or looking down on you. It's these people who know you enough to know that even if you mess up or do something uncharacteristic of yourself, you will redeem yourself.
A few of my friends and I have a thing called "accountability." I have high standards for my closest friends and vice versa. We all have stress and pressure in life, but with that we have high ideals, and centered objectives to work toward. With "accountability" I am basically confessing to my friends if I fall short of something or if I do something I am not proud of. Accountability is an amazing thing, because it motivates us to be our better selves and to think through things before we act; it also puts a voice in your head of knowing you can't just be ashamed of yourself, you will have to also tell your friend and risk their disappointment.
On a spin-off note, I believe with friends and even members of the opposite sex that may pose an interest as more, the most important thing is to be a good judge of character. I'd call it intuition. if you have a really good feeling about someone and they make you happy by their personality and how they treat you, they are probably a genuine character. I feel lucky to have had such amazing friends and family--people who in general know what is important out of life and who care about the well-being and happiness of those around them. It is easy to meet someone and think they are the best thing in the world, but imagine if things went south. How would they handle a fight? I always tell my friends if they like someone, to not idealize them. There are plenty of great people out there that you will meet. Imagine a fight: could you see this person turning on you quickly? Do they have a mean streak in them? If so, don't stick with it. It's not worth dealing with someone who can't effectively conflict resolute without an exhausting dispute.
Notwithstanding, never put someone to the test. Putting someone on the spot usually puts unnecessary and awkward pressure on them. The beautiful thing is being with them when a situation asks something more of them and seeing how they react. It is friends who go above and beyond to make your day better or friends who remember that it was an important interview for you that day. These people, people who care for others in general, are the unsung, everyday heroes that are overlooked. My best advice is to be a grateful friend for your friendships, show your friends you appreciate what they give, and more importantly give more than you get always.
