It's fair to say that that is how we were brought up. Everyone around us makes the statement that it is only acceptable to be with one other person at a time. It's slowly becoming but still is not even fully accepted to be homosexual. It is accepted but does not have the stamp of approval from society to sleep around with multiple people without needing the label of 'relationship.' Yes, people do that, but the only thing that is accepted widely by society is [heterosexual] monogamy. I'm not saying society should change, in fact I like the way it is (minus intolerance for homosexuality).
On a happier note, I completely understand and share the want to be [happy]. To feel butterflies or physically nervous around someone, even to find yourself being uncharacteristically self-conscious about your appearance. But is happiness defined that way for the right reasons? Do you need this person to be happy? Are these feelings what make you happy? It's something I've always asked myself, and my conclusion has always been no. Why invest in an idea that is so uncertain? It has nothing to do with fear of commitment, just questioning what I am told by society. I think it's important to never accept something the way it is, but first examine it. There are plenty of rebuttals to how I look at this, I know that. But I guess I just don't buy the idea of relying on another person for what I can gain by being by myself.
It's important to love yourself. If you were disembodied from yourself and had the chance to be friends with yourself, would you be? I like to think I would be my great friend. I've spent years single and learning about myself; learning to love me. It's a relationship I feel is on-going and important to establish and self-examine.
There are so many pros and cons to both, being in a relationship V. being single.. and of course, the added gray areas. Whatever you think of these 'statuses,' know that there is life in each. I simply cannot understand someone being unhappy with their life because they do not have someone else to make them feel okay about it. It's important to be comfortable spending quality time by yourself and enjoying doing so.
I think I have caused a great deal of frustration and confusion to people in the past and present, but hopefully people can understand that I am not painfully or overly- independent, just happy to be where I am with me. I've even been told that by 'dodging' 'love' I am not going to 'find' happiness. Well, what the hell? That goes against everything I believe, actually. But to be honest, I see where people get that idea, because it is a fantastical feeling when you feel unknown things for another person. But even so, who says you should devote yourself to them? Well society has told you to. Your biological interests told you to. Your parents and other role models told you to. Your peers told you to. Other unknowns told you to. But there is nothing wrong with not labeling something. Maybe it's because I have seen so many flaws within the idea of 'relationships' or maybe because I see so many people change from the person that they truly are. It is so important to remember that first and foremost comes yourself; and to you, you must stay true. Now, that sounds selfish, but it's not. When it is time to break up (which unless you are on the verge of marriage, it'll happen) it is most important that you do what is right for you, and the other person is left to do what is right for them. What I am getting at is you can have another person and be happier than you've ever been, they lift you up, they make you want to be better, they make your day etc. but at the end of the day, you have to do it for you. You will always end up alone at times, and at those times you are stuck to rely on yourself. Are you reliable? Not on others, but on yourself? I've taken a long time to think about these things, and found out that I could rely on myself. This is the single-most reason why I am how I am. I believe that in order to be happy that it must come from within the self. If you can be truly happy by yourself, you can share that with others. And not just one other, but many others. That brings me to my next point. Friends.
Where in God's green earth would I even be without my friends? Probably in limbo, nothingness. I sure as hell wouldn't be happy. You hear it all the time, but you still see so many make the same mistake...and that is that they get involved with someone and forget about their friends. It's happened to me, it's happened to you, it's happened to almost everyone. There is always that friend who gets swept up in the present. Friendship is a powerful force. When you are alone it is there. When you meet someone special, they are there with the best input and most importantly a second-sight, that sees what you cannot. They are there throughout. And most importantly, after it is over with, and you need support, they are there. But where is the significant other? They are not there anymore. You must both move on and grow from the experience. Point to be made here: being in a relationship and maintaining the friendships you held before=of utmost importance. It is easy to turn a blind eye, especially when you are inside looking out as opposed to outside looking in. Being on the outside looking in for the past 3 1/2 years has taught me things that I would never take back. It has allowed my personality to be the way I want it to be, and I've had the opportunity of meeting so many new people and making many close friendships. My friends have always been my saving grace and brought out in me what I consider positive traits. I havent wanted a significant other, because I never felt like I needed one. My friends have always fulfilled the wants I have. I had too much fun going out and spending time with my friends and it almost seemed like I would be compromising something, weighing myself down if you will. Also weighing myself down in the pleasure I take in meeting new people and enjoying different company in social settings. When you see a couple out together, unless they both have the same exact friends, they must compromise by hanging out with both party's friends. In those situations, you may be the person they feel most comfortable with. Given, you may enjoy that and like that feeling or of just being with them all night. But, I don't enjoy that sort of thing in social settings. In fact, that would make me more unhappy than anything else. Everyone is different.
Writing this has confused me probably even more, because in my mind both sides to the argument are very clear-cut and well-put. But it has also put in writing how I feel, and for this cluster of thoughts I am glad. I hope for people who read this you can better understand where I am coming from. I want what every single person wants, to have fun and be happy. And I can say in all truthfulness that for now I am...just the way I am.
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